What He Wants For Valentine’s Day This Year Betches

Oh god. Oh no. It’s here. Cthulhu Valentine’s Day has arisen from its syrup-coated Hallmark basement lair to once again assault our eyeballs with pink and red flowers, crappy candy, balloons, and mass-produced stuffed animals painstakingly stitched together by child slaves. This day of sappy Instagram captions, overcrowded restaurants, lackluster sex, and general disappointment is almost upon us. If you, like many halves of whole couples, are, for some reason, looking forward to the idea of this made-up holiday, congratulations and good luck. Shopping for men during Valentine’s Day is about as easy as pretending to be excited about anything after age 30. I’m not bitter, you’re bitter. “How am I supposed to figure out what he wants for Valentine’s Day??!” – Things I …

James Kennedy’s Mother Posted A Wild Statement About Her Son’s Behavior Betches

While I’ve absolutely loved this season of Vanderpump Rules so far,I’ve loved the off-camera drama even more. AKA James Kennedy’s multiple meltdowns between aired episodes, as his life slowly unravels on screen. The latest in this series? An Instagram statement from James Kennedy’s mother, Jacqueline Georgiou. Before I The Background In case you haven’t been avidly watching, here’s a quick recap of James Kennedy this season. He rapped about Jax sleeping with Faith while Brittany was working at SUR, then got drunk and body-shamed Katie at Pride. Lisa promptly fired him from SUR for both his alcohol problem and his treatment of the women who work there. (If you’re on board with the logic of that sentence, congratulations. You’re already miles beyond …

The Game Of Thrones Season 8 Teaser Is Here Betches

HBO dropped the Game of Thrones season 8 teaser trailer this past Sunday, officially kicking off three things: 1. The countdown to the premiere of the final season *muffled sobs* on April 14th 2. The inception of hundreds of thousands of fan theories about what every single second of this 1:44 video means. 3. My very own stress dreams about this show ending. Reddit has not slept since Sunday night. The footage of Jon, Sansa, and Arya slowly walking through the Winterfell crypts as dialogue from seasons past plays eerily overhead has taken the GOT world by storm. Sansa Sophie Turner. Alas, there were no clues to the show but like, wow. Good for Sansa. So what can this trailer …

Vanderpump Rules Season 7 Episode 6 Recap Betches

As a reminder, last week James’s mom begged Lisa for his job back, Lala and Brittany got their butts all pretty, and Stassi and Ariana had a joint cold themed birthday party which ended in a Stassi meltdown. Will she be forced to use her shattered iPhone for a year and a half like the rest of us peasants? Let’s find out! The girls are recounting what happened last night. Apparently after Stassi smashed her phone, she came out screaming at Beau, and he proceeded to cry and say he wasn’t her punching bag. Ruh roh. Beau: You dick-punched my heart Me: Beau is very forgiving and sweet and I’m wondering if Stassi can please lead me to the factory …

8 Surprising Health Benefits Of Eating Dark Chocolate Betches

Although we’ve survived the holiday season, we’re still kind of on a highway to the danger fat zone. You most definitely have between one and three tins of Mommy and Grandma’s cookies sitting in your apartment, and some ungodly-sized Ziploc bag filled with chocolate lying on a kitchen counter. It calls to you. The good news, tho, is that the dark chocolate that has been bestowed upon you isn’t all that bad. Honestly, you shouldn’t even feel guilty about indulging here and there. Here are eight reasons why you can feel kind of okay about diving headfirst into the darkest of desserts. 3. It Helps With Math If you, like me, are declaring 2019 the year of budgeting and calculators …

5 Tips To Have Shower Sex Without Ending Up In The ER Betches

Shower sex can seem like a good idea, and if done right, it can be. It’s hot and steamy (thank you, hot water), and no mess to clean up. But if you aren’t careful, it can be v dangerous. Slippery surfaces, major height differences, and soap in unmentionable places can lead to sprained ankles, broken penises, and UTIs. Ow. But there is hope if shower sex if your ideal place to get down and dirty clean. Here are some useful tips to have shower sex and avoid ending up in the ER. 3. Choose Your Position Wisely If your V lines up with his P while standing, consider yourselves the lucky ones. Simply wrapping a leg around his back will …

4 Things To Stop Feeling Guilty About In 2019 Betches

2018 was a year of many revelations. (Yes, saying “revelations” instead of “realizing stuff” makes me the intellectual Kylie Jenner.) It was a rapid-fire year of watching our favorite celebs make engagements, break engagements, have babies, and get cheated on by f*ckboys. (What I like to call “the big four.”) In between worrying that these celebs are growing up too fast and worrying I’m not growing up fast enough, I realized I was forgetting one important thing. (No, not refilling my anxiety medication. Good one though.) I realized I was spending so much time judging and measuring everyone else’s process in life and feeling guilty about my own that I could barely remember what I actually wanted. All I knew …